I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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