Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
