i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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