11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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