I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
