No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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