My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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