Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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