Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
