College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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