halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
