WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
