so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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