I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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