oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
