Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
