Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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