His hands were made for my vagina.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
