allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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