There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
