I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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