Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
