I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
