Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
