Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
