So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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