i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
