can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
