Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
