Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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