...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
