Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
