Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When are your genitals available?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
