so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
