Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
