Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
