"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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