How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
