i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
