he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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