i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
