This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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