The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
