Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
