just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
