The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
