he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
