Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We need to get me chipped asap
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
