I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
