remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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