my mouth tastes like poor choices
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
