mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
