Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
