you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
